GROUP SIZE: Approximately 56 million.
NATURE OF GROUP: The people of the state of California
vs. Mr. Ivanov Serge
INCIDENCE OF SOCIOMETRY: Lifes a Joke : Chapter
incidence report was originally submitted to Sociometry Fair 2004
is agent Charlie Vurmin < see Lifes a Joke :
Chapter 1 >
introduced me to Mr. Ivanov Serge via State Prison Generated Mail.
Mr. Ivanov drew my wife Jessica and I the following unflattering wedding
portrait. (We arent Ugly.) For compensation he wanted me to buy him
a subscription to FHM for magazine for $9.95.
(We Aren't Ugly)
He also drew the following Jesus and The Virgin
Mary hanky for me to wrap my bible in.
compensation he wanted me to sign him up for the Mystery Guild Book
Club for an introductory offer of 99 cents. All this sounded reasonable
so I subscribed and I signed up...
the folks at FHM or the Mystery Guild Book Club could master the task
of billing one party and delivering to another (its called a "gift
subscription" -- it cant be that hard). In my busy and FREE lifestyle
this was barely a grain of sand in my shoe. In Mr. Ivanov's “sequestered
in a cage" lifestyle this was very very aggravating. He forwarded
me the following bill and returned my last letter with extensive commentary
(note the underlining in green ballpoint).
As Mr. Ivanov's extremely aggressive tightly slanted handwriting is
a bit hard to read I'll excerpt his letter:
How I understand,
My letters to you not very welcome at all! Your last letter
I got from you just before New Year.You are a very irresponsible
I have not doubt in my mind anymore. I wasted my time in you.
In January I sent to you big letter with good drawing n hankecheif
in pastel and ink. I only tell you what I want from "Mystery
Book Club". (After this its pretty unintellible -- I mean,
can YOU read that -- but it is unmistakable inits profoundly
To Mr. Bergman I would like to tell you BYE!
PS (a bunch
of apocalyptic quotes from the Bible)
PS Always remember : Marriage is the death of all hope !!!
Agent Vurmin had
not told me much about Mr. Ivanov. He was "radical" to be
sure and definately an "authentic communist". Some of his
letters prior to our breakup indicated (as best as I could read them)
that he certainly DID NOT kill those people and that he most certainly
was not in the Russian Mafia...
duly so) I decided that it was a imperative that Mr. Ivanov received
his selections from The Mystery Guild Book Club. I sent an iquiry
regarding the statuse of Mr. Ivanov's selections for The Mystery Guild
Book Club. I received the following letter in responce:
Apparently Cherise Elliot at the Mystery Guild Book Club did not understand
the... scope... of the situation. I felt compelled to implore her
to address the situation A S A P to avoid another FHM incident! I
mailed the following (paraphresed) letter to Cherise at the Mystery
Guild Book Club.
Would like to thank you in advance for any help you can give
me in this delicate situation. Though I'm sure that your system
is set up to take only single addresses, it is imperative in
this circumstance for the Mystery Guild books and materiels
involved in selecting and receiving books to be mailed to Mr.
Salinas Valley State Prison
PO Box 1051
Soledad CA 93960
AND all billing sent to myself, Peter Miles Bergman at the above
stationary address. You have sent me a change of mailing address
form. Thank you very much. Unfortunately, I have never received
a member reply form or an invoice with an account number.
Please understand that Mr. Ivanov is in prison for "connections"
to the Russian Mafia. Th books are payment for drawings he sends
to me. When Mr. Ivanov receives a bill he gets very angry with
me for he thinks I am not making payments. He does not understand
the intricacies of your customer service and billing systems
and does not forward the bills to me -- he only sends me angry
letters! I am working on getting out of this situation through
diplomatic means. Who knows what "connections" means?
I don't care to find out quite frankly. As a good faith gesture
I am sending the $0.99 to cover Mr. Ivanov's introductory selection
without a bill. Please, I implore you to help me out in this
regard and send me the bill.
PS: Supporting documents: #1 Mr. Ivanovs enrollment form. #2
Postal Order receipt. #3 Angry Letter #4 Drawings
has been several years and I have not heard back from The Mystery
Guild Book CLub, FHM,or Mr. Ivanov. I consider our business to be
finished. So to you Mr. Ivanov I say BYE!!